As I read and compare what I had written on my diary more than half a year ago and a week back, it is so visible how much a person can change, if they really want to. That we are so capable of change in mind, in feeling and life's trajectory if only we accept the inevitability of change, and stay fearless of what change can bring us.
August 26 2019
The outside world is in rampage. Merry merry world. What a fucking joke. The emptiness of every laughter. That noise. And here iam alone. In this corner of this tiny room. In all my sad melancholic glory. My heart desperate for someone or something to hold on to. Is this so fucking sad and lonely. Or am I being at the top of my world. My own fucking sick ugly, dirty world. The shitty mess called my mind.
March 23 2020
The world is so beautiful, inspite of every anamoly. The intense glory of every last man, woman and child in what they are. Everybody, every difference they hold with me is so acceptable, totally in contrast with how I used to hate it that nobody was on my wavelength. It's so diverse and amazing that everybody has their own frequency and a wavelength to connect over. The loneliness has started to manifest in my feelings like a serene kind of solitude. I don't feel so angry or jealous at the world anymore and it's better than I thought to be like this. But does this mean that I am not in my own fucking world with a sense of pride in what iam even if it isn't ideal, No. Iam. Maybe a little afraid of happiness, but yeah, baby steps.
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