I have learnt a few things that I can discuss only with myself. Maybe there are very important conversations we have to hold with ourselves.
Holding on to an emotion that doesn't change over time has been difficult since forever.
But thinking on it, I sense that I have never been able to hold onto any emotion other than love for more than months and years. I can't imagine a single moment I felt less love or no love for my mother or sister or the people around me. The anger, I can hold on to for few weeks and then it dissipates. I can't feel anger against someone even if they had done the worst thing to me for a long time. Of course anger will be there, but over time it disintegrates. Simple emotions like frustrations, jealousy and sadness dissolves in weeks and it vanishes, only to come back after few weeks or days. Even happiness dissipates, vanishes and comes back later. Pity and empathy is relative and I can't hold on to it too.
In the midst of this inconsistencies of holding onto emotions, I find that the only one consistent and stays unchanging for years and more is love and compassion. If it isn't a beautiful thing, I don't know what is. It's quite a relief for myself to know this about me.
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