Memories, peculiar things.

The very concept of memories feel very peculiar, almost surreal. Now that mine has started to fade away, I suddenly feel the need to record something, the memories down on something tangible. I wish it was hard paper, with real smell. but here, we have moved past it all. these are never going to make their way to Instagram, can't do that to myself. these are never going to be put up on statuses. but, having grown comfortable in this space I have got to put them up here. Little things about things that matter, seemingly insignificant. everyone would have something like this, but hey, I am afraid of forgetting. saw fleabag last night and there is a dialogue she says at the church (hottest scene I've scene in my life btw) that she is terrified of forgetting. (something about fleabag I'll write, it is on my mind too long). going through a box I haven't opened in a long time.

1. from my art class. had a teacher named Ganesan who is still the best artist I've seen. he was there from my Kindergarten to my 10th grade. miss him.

2. Tried to draw something for my Brother's wedding and this was the trial piece of line drawing. had posted the better ones on Insta.

3. I love stationery, especially colours.

4. Was in a confusing phase and I sat to draw. ended up with this.

5. watercolours, dreams and love.

6. Used to be a huge harry potter fan.

7. A compass that was given with a dialogue that it will guide me. still searching which forest i got lost in.

8. My sister, a cousin's loving gift. No one in the family really talks to her, she married a guy from another religion and is at Mumbai. Fuck family and fuck religion. well, she is happy.

9. my sister and I really hate each other.

10. My sister and I kind of love each other.

11 . So, yeah. hi from the baby elephant.

12 . Salar Jung museum. have always been a sucker for history and archeaology.

13 . The school for grade 11 and 12. Man, i hated it.

14 . the college i dropped out from, yet another ugly tale, almost too unbelievable and cinematic.

15. The school from Kg to grade 10. Met the people i would love and then forget.

16. what a year.

17. first day to school. Ma said I used to cry everday I went.

18. Used to be an angry rebel without a cause.

19. Father's Transfer certificate from 1991. I don't know why I am holding on to it.

20. His letters. I haven't read them yet. yeah, cinematic again. but really, it is just depressing.

21 . his glasses and my favourite colour. Mauve. it reminds me of Maeve from sex ed. god, i relate so much.

22. used to mark calenders with birthdays, used to be organized.

23. Always finding wrappers in between math books.

24 . I used to be a psychology student. no wonder I am really like this.

25. I write shitload of diaries, but now I don't.

26. have burnt most of them, cinematic I know.

27. I love stationery.

28. the days of teenage slambooks.

29. dad's old harmonica.

30. Harry potter themed slambook for the fan in me!

31 . Had a bad handwriting as a kid and even now. but mine is my most favourite in the world.

32 . Had a huge collection of books and bookmarks.

33. college duh, but I liked my photographs. they were soothing or scary. ah, like me again.

34 . a fascination for rome.

35. Iam a good designer I guess. I like me in that.

36. Remember, remember, the fifth of november! must have watched it a million times.

37 . I loved hunger games still do. When i think of being Katniss, I don't know if i would choose Gale or Peeta. Gale is fire, so is Katniss. But Peeta, he is soft, he is water. Ughhh. Katniss chooses peeta, I wouldn't blame her. But I think I love both peeta and gale.

38 . I should begin printing out photos.

39. the visionary, the man. my uncle.

40. The cutest of love letters. I am such a sucker for handwritten letters.

41 . yet another cute letter. It is amazing that somebody actually took time to do this.

42. A sort of birthday gift I made in August 2019, for an old friend's birthday that came in November. Now it is August 2020, a year forward. I still wonder what to do with this. You can't just strike out a name and present it to someone else when you have made it particularly for one person. guess it has to die on the shelf.

43. Paulo Coelho, the alchemist. the first glimpse of how love should be. Ayn Rand, the fountain head and Howard Roark. the first glimpse of who I would love.

44. Physics and chemistry, oh my love.

45. I write my own film structures. Nah, I am just an overconfident asshole.

46. Used to act. the best was the role of Lady Macbeth, the evil woman who guided her husband to madness. Wow, was so multidimensional.

47. The first actual script I had written, an reflection of my life. Coincidentally the only person who has read it other than me, is an old friend who used to write too. Damn, I know potential when I see one. he will be great one day. I hope he would be happy, too.

48. Haven't written a word out in this 2020 diary. what is the point when Iam just going to end up burning them.

49. A kerchief. Blood and sweat. tears too.

50. The taare Zameen par flip book. I actually stole it, not guilty. back in 2009.

Okay, satisfied without any reason. Maybe I can pass this website off as the one I designed for a college course. adhuvera irukra prechanaila.

this can't be a securily problem la. just superficial memories. deeper ones can fuck off and die.